Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

Saturday, August 16, 2008


i dun remember writing anything related to this ever since LTT (Little Terror Tristan) was born. actually i wanted to blog this entry while i was suffering from insomnia, vexed with pending work issues and missing my family when i was in taiwan. but the internet service in my hotel SUXX, took me freaking 5-10 min juz to login.

>>Warning : Long Entry

first and foremost, in the delivery suite. i was caught in a very perplex emotional tidal swing awaiting for his arrival. the initial plan was to stay beside nic and NOT see how LTT was delivered, juz in case i happen to pass out at the sight of it.

Gynae>ok, get ready, follow my instructions and timing, when i ask u to push, u take a deep breath and push with all ur might k?
Nic>ok ...
(few minutes later)
Gynae>the head is coming out ...daddy ?
Me>yes ?
Gynae>see ? the head coming out
Me>huh ? where ? (head lean over to take a look)

at this point of time, i have reached the point of no return. initially, i told myself no, i am not going to look at it for fear that i will pass out and require emergency resusitation attention. i guess my curiosity took control of my consciousness sub-consciously when she pop the qn " see ? the head coming out ... " my immediate reaction was lean over and try to look at it. LOL, but when i saw the head slowly emerging, i was awed by that sight. i witness the whole contortionistic performance by LTT and its a feeling that i have NEVER experience in my whole life. the moment his whole body is out, my eyes went red as i try to fight back bursting out in tears. i only remember quickly wiping off a tiny stream of tears running down my cheeks before i receive my first instructions. Cutting the cord is ... scary. i was holding the scissors and trying very hard to hide my shivering hands. suddenly i felt as if i am a noob holding a pair of scissors trying to cut the live wire to disarm an explosive bomb. i even have the tot if this gonna cause him any pain. other than the train of nonsence that went thru my mind during that short span of time, the overall experience was unbelievable!

To: daddies,
almost every nite, i would take the nite shift, feeding him, helping him change diapers during the wee hours. Nic often complains of this nocturnal lifestyle and says that it was uncalled for. she say we can wake the maid up when LTT starts crying to feed him. my reason for doing so is, firstly, i wanna let the maid have ample sleeping time. this is because she is required to tidy up the house and also take care of LTT, so i wouldnt want her to fall ill, suffer any injuries, screw more things up, OR let anything happen to LTT becos she was too exhausted. Secondly, i love the feeling when i pick him up to feed him when he start his hunger sirens, cradle him in my arms during the feed, and changing his diapers after the feed. the feeling of going thru all these make me feel ... needed, its a private session between me and him. its like, look, the whole world is sleeping, ur hungry and crying, but no worries, daddy is here to save the day. LOL
not every daddies have flexible hours to do this, and i dun encourage daddies to do that and head to work in the morning, u wont last more than 3 days doing it and its not realistic. but the very least is, be able to do all those things. if there ever comes a situation where there is no help ard, and ur toon is in distress, you are still able to handle the situation urself. every one has different persepective in different things, personally, i dont want to be a eye-power-daddy. i know there are still certain duties that i still couldnt undertake, but at least there are some that i am proficient in.

tho i may not be the one carrying out all those duties every nite, but i try my best to do it whenever i can. love watching him sleep and observing his various unorthodox sleeping positions. and the blurry look sometimes when he opened his eyes and look at me when i carry him out of his bed to feed him. this is the time when his concentration is at his max and will obediently stay still looking at you. the rest of the time, its an epic battle trying to get his attention and concentration amidst millions of distration.

To: Mummies
mummies who have higher difficulties in conceiving, do not be disheartened. take things with an open heart. i wouldnt want to say prepared for the worst and hope for the best. as many ppl will view it with a negative approach. they will think it means dun carry too much hope, so that you wont be too disappointed when it doesnt turn out well. i believe this is a negative perspective. since u know that you have lower chance of conceiving compared to other females, all the more you should be happy if you ever did conceive. speak to ur child, tell ur toon how much u love them and how happy that this miracle happened. communicate wif them. some ppl may argue that by doing this, you are putting ur hopes too high and if it doesnt turn out well, you will be devastated and disillusioned. that depends on which perspective ur holding. think it this way, even when the chance of conceiving is slim, it still happened, which means that even tho when hope is fragile, no one can change the fact that it did happened. even if it was short-lived, be thankful that it happened, cause it has proven the fact that there is still HOPE. embrace every pregnancy with joy and hope, think positively, have the right attitude, for there are still many things in life that dun alwaz equate 1+1=2.

miracles do happen. Remember: what you think and feel will directly affect the life within you.

a tightly clenched fist is never in a position to receive anything, even if its a good thing.
a wide open palm is alwaz ready to receive anything. even when bad things happen, knowing that as long as ur in this position, you CAN receive good things.

Every time i am out of town, i will miss my family lotz. kids change ur lives, dramatically. but i am glad these changes happened.

ps: can never resist LTT's smiles.

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